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Miscarriage is not your fault

Updated: Apr 27, 2019

Miscarriage isn’t something that many women want to discuss because the loss maybe too personal or that the topic is taboo.

Pregnancy Singapore: Miscarriage is not your fault

Grieving over a miscarriage

It is perfectly normal to grieve over your pregnancy loss. Take your time and give yourself some space. You will definitely start to feel gradually better as time passes. Seek professional help if you find great difficulty in overcoming the grief or you are not able to cope with everyday life. Everyone who suffer loss of loved ones go through grief process which eventually leads to emotional healing. You may feel intense emotions like shock and denial, guilt and anger, depression and despair, and finally peace and acceptance.

Finding the way to manage your grief may aid in your recovery process. You might consider holding a small memorial service to share your thoughts about your loss. You may also want to share your thoughts through a support group with others who have similar experiences. Your doctor will encourage you and your family members to see, hold or touch your baby, and this may be the most painful moment of your life. Holding and giving your baby a name may aid in your recovery process. You may want to take a digital photo which you can cherish when you think about your lost baby.

In addition to the emotional aspects, some other medical issues need to be addressed as well. These include:

  • Suppression of milk flow to avoid breast engorgement and discomfort. This can be achieved by cold cabbage treatment, a good supportive bra and specific medicines may be prescribed (e.g. Cabergolin) to suppress milk production.

  • Contraceptive methods can be discussed if you need time to recover before conceiving again. Pregnancy that occurs too soon may be detrimental and you should try to conceive again after the grieving process is over. Take your time.

Why did it happen?

The painful question of "WHY" this has happened may not be answered. Often no specific cause is known even with the doctors. But certainly no self-blame should be warranted as you are not the cause.

Knowing what happened need not tell why it had happened in the first place, but it puts a closure to the event. In instances when a cause is found, possible interventions or treatment may be administered in subsequent pregnancies to help manage it better. For example, aspirin can be given for women with autoimmune disease to prevent recurrent miscarriages.

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